Saturday, October 29, 2011

"When Rappers Get Day Jobs"; An Excerpt From J-Zone's Upcoming Book

Look, this Hip-Hop fame is like any other game jack, it's sweet, but lawdy it can be fleeting..

SO, we've seen Hip-Hop get older and a lot of the guys that had burn in the 80's and 90's have gotten older too and homeboy you haven't had a show in 3 years and an album in 6, and well, I mean, that light bill ain't gonna hop off the dresser and pay itself!

What's an ex, or just a "sometimes" emcee supposed to do for a J-O-B after the dream has started to fade like ya favorite pair of Levi's? Behold, our main man J-Zone has the insight...

Taken from his new book, "Root For The Villain: Rap, Bullshit And A Celebration Of Failure" 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing after the high school basketball game I had been covering was over.
“Yo man, you J-Zone?” the point guard asked me before I could ask him about his 19 point, 8 assist performance.
I asked him to repeat his question. Not to flatter myself, but to make sure I’d heard him correctly. My ears weren’t bullshittin’.
“Ummm,” I stammered.
“Dude,” he cut me off. “The YouTube videos of you chillin’ in the drive-thru at White Castle and licking whipped cream off those foam titties are classic!”
I was part shocked that someone born after 1985 knew who I was by face, part embarrassed that my attempts to be professional as a sports reporter were trumped by being known as the Onion Ring and Titty Man, and part flattered that an obscure and pseudo-famous rap guy like myself was even remembered years after my modest music career had gone kaput. I guess that’s what happens to the quasi-successful middle ground rap man who’s teetering the top of a fence that separates two universes – he eventually falls over to the “real” job side. And it fucks up folks who fail to realize he wasn’t that famous in the first place. 
Levels of statusFirst, we have the megastar. When the musical careers of 50 Cent, Lil’ Wayne, and Kanye West come to a halt, there’s an ice cube’s chance under a fat girl’s ass that they would ever work nine-to-five jobs. Imagine Wayne attempting to pass a piss test to become a second grade teacher and kissing Birdman on the mouth for good luck before taking the ATS-W exam. What about Kanye raking up $11 an hour to re-rack returned U.S. Polo Association shirts at Sears?
When the musical endeavors of megastars no longer hold any weight, they’ve already become big enough entities to make a living via movies, their own lines of wife-beater shirts, and unscheduled appearances at events where they break Moet bottles over the heads of artists who are hot at the moment for pay. They’d never dare step into a nine-to-five; it just doesn’t compute after that much time on top. If you’re naturally crazy or irresponsible enough to never stand a chance in the world of day jobs, God usually grants you success in entertainment so you won’t starve to death.
Full Excerpt Here

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